I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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