It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
