Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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