I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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