TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
