Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
