just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
