come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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