two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
