took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
MIDGETS
????
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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