you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
