people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
