I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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