im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We need to feng shui this bitch.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
