Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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