Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
