dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
