I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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