he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
