woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
