I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
