Sorry, I don't speak sober.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
