dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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