On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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