you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Randomize
