Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
