im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize