the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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