i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
