My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
