i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
