is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
