I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
