8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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