Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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