the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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