I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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