idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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