We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
