I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
