look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
