I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
