Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
