that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
farters have to be the big spoon...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As shirtless as possible
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
