u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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