apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
