I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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