like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
