I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
