It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
