Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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