I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
