Im at strip club and am horny
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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