I've blown a few things in my day
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
