So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
