no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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