Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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