Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
