Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
