Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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