A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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