my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
