The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
