DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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