can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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