One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
