Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
