Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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